I put this photo on Facebook yesterday, and quite a few people seemed to like it. Someone suggested I make it into a caption competition, so here goes:
Post your captions below, and whichever one makes Freddie gurgle the most wins a Cavaliers cap!
Due to the vast number of errors in umpiring decisions in village and social cricket, a small village team has invested in their own version of the Decision Referral System (DRS). Maid Upton CC have spared no expense in installing cameras, hawk eye systems and hot spot at their small ground. A spokesman for the club was quoted as saying,
‘The system works so well at international level, having no tactical impact on the game whatsoever, but ensuring that questionable decisions can be referred on, bringing a greater level of fairness to the game.’
He then hopped onto the back of a pig and flew away.
This system is far from perfect as it does not take into account quantum mechanics and the possibility of divine intervention. The ball might suddenly inexplicably swerve off course, pass through the stumps, explode or disappear entirely, just because it hasn’t happened in the recorded history of the game does not mean it cannot happen.
On the flip side, I am told that the hawk eye system is based on the same system that the American military use to track their missiles to ensure they don’t miss their targets and as we all know, American missiles never miss!
In village and social cricket it is traditional for members of the batting side to take shifts in umpiring while they are not batting, this means the style of umpiring varies greatly throughout a match. Here at the Cavaliers we have our own, highly innovative, version of the DRS, that perhaps the big boys of cricket might find of use.
In the event of an lbw appeal, the umpire makes a decision over whether he thinks the batsman is out, if he is fairly certain (beyond a reasonable doubt) that the batsman is out, he will raise his finger, if he is sure the batsman is not out or is uncertain he will shake his head. Everyone else shuts up, accepts this and carries on playing.
In the event of a catch where it is unsure if the ball grounded or if the fielder crossed the boundary before the catch was taken, the fielder is required to be honest and sporting about this. The same is true of the batsman if he gets an edge to the ball and is caught behind, he is expected to walk if this is the case.
It is hoped that good sportsmanship at the lower levels of the game will be embraced by the children who watch village cricket and go on to play international cricket and this way of playing will work it’s way up the tiers of the game, until we reach a place where all international cricketers are able to accept the umpires decision and allow the game to continue it’s flow in the knowledge that these decisions probably balance themselves out over the course of time.
Usually this blog is full of fun, good news and hopefully a bit of laughter, but today finds me in angry mood.
I’ve just got back from Babbacombe, and it looks like someone has been at the astroturf pitch with a Stanley knife:
Sadly it doesn’t just look like deliberate damage to me, as if that in itself weren’t bad enough. The cuts are on a length at both ends, and I think whoever did it was aware that these are the key parts of the pitch.
There is another large cut section on one of the bowler’s run-ups, so the damage is quite significant. Here’s hoping Babbacombe can get it fixed, but it’s going to be a difficult and expensive job and I’m not at all certain that repairing it will be viable. And let’s hope the culprits get their comeuppance.
Twenty-twelve, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? And it’s finally here, the international year of alliteration and the Chinese year of the dragon. I recently did a ‘who do you think you are?’ type of test, that was mostly fictional, and discovered that I have Mayan ancestry, so in honour of my ancestors I am going to look at the stars, the entrails of snails and some tea leaves and make some vague predictions for the coming year.
The US presidential elections will throw up a surprise, with a gun crazed, conservative, evangelical Christian – who believes the world was created in 1954 to coincide with the rise of Elvis Presley – elected to the position of the second most powerful figure on Earth (after Verinder Sehwag). California will leave the Union in embarrassment.
England will win their first Test series in the sub-continent (with the exception of Bangladesh) since 2001. Perhaps not.
The opening ceremony of the Olympic Games will be a huge cringe-fest, featuring dance troupe ‘Diversity’ dancing on top of red double-decker buses. The small annoying one will accidentally be thrown off to be run over by a Mini display team, to huge cheers from the crowd.
Another cricketer will be arrested for spot-fixing, to which former Australia captain Ricky Ponting will announce, ‘I can’t understand why anyone would cheat in order to lose, we only cheat in order to win.’ He is dropped shortly after this.
England will have a good summer in Test matches, but a woeful one in one days, the same old people will talk about the same old problem of too much cricket being scheduled.
The Cavendish Cavaliers will have a record-breaking season, drink lots of beer and have lots of fun.
California will declare allegiance the Chinese government, increasing tensions between the US and China. Everyone will start to panic about an imminent war, but then, in December the world ends, so none of it really matters.
Best off just having a really good final year alive aren’t we?
Happy (slightly old now) New Year!
JM
In a cricket mad house this Christmas there were bound to be a few cricket related books changing hands. Books by Flintoff and Botham were given to my mother and I received Graeme Swann’s autobiography, The Breaks are Off, and Australian Autopsy by Jarrod Kimber. I thought it only fair to give a brief review of each book.
Swann’s book is a good read, the fun loving England spinner has a fantastic sense of humour and some great stories to tell. I’m already well into it and enjoying what Swann has to say about his early experiences with the England team, his move from his beloved Northamptonshire to Nottinghamshire and how it greatly improved his career. Swann also shares some fantastic stories about his alcohol fuelled exploits with other players, including Flintoff. Any fan of Swann’s video diaries from last years Ashes in Australia, will enjoy the book, so I recommend it.
The second book, Australian Autopsy, is by Australian cricket journalist, blogger and Sehwagologist Jrod. His blog cricketwithballs, offers a rather comic look at cricketing news. It’s interesting to read about the 2010/11 Ashes from an Australian perspective, but especially a perspective as unique as Jrod’s. He begins by comparing the series to an imagined ‘Melrose Place’ storyline, where an older brother is constantly beating his young brother all shades of black and blue, before the young brother goes away, shaves his head, joins the marines, toughens up and comes back out for revenge. One night, he confronts his brother, whose muscle has mostly turned to flab, in a bar, and beats him to a pulp, which he beats into a fine dust. He then gets up and does the sprinkler…
If you are after a cricketing read, something that is both interesting and amusing, then I definitely recommend these two books and I’d like to thank my parents and my cousin for buying them for me. Another good cricketing read is Trescothick’s Coming Back to Me, which includes a description of the circumstances that led to him pulling out of the 06/07 Ashes series with depression and his later retirement from international cricket. Jonathan Agnew’s tribute to the late TMS commentator Brian Johnston, Thanks Johnners, is also an entertaining and interesting read.
As the New Year dawns and I begin work on my dissertation I doubt I will have much time over the next few months for cricket related reading. Instead I will focus on my New Years resolution of ‘learn to bat’, which will hopefully take off soon when nets begin. I don’t think reading will help me that much with that one… Not sure there’s a power in the ‘verse that can help me with that one…
I know most of you won’t be aware of this yet, as he doesn’t appear on any of the player/member lists, but the Cavaliers do have an Australian wing. Just the one wing. His name is Trout, and here he is:
Trout is a true Cavalier, the sort of bloke who’d chuck a ball around in the yard with the kids all day. The story of how he became one is too long and odd to even be able to explain properly, but it’s enough to know that if it weren’t such a bloody long way he’d turn out for us every game. So, just to say ‘cheers cobber’, I sent him a Cavaliers shirt so he’d always be one of us. And, in the true spirit of the Cavaliers, he’s only gone and worn it to the Gabba:
And just to put the cherry on the cake, not only has he got a photo of the famous shirt at the Gabba, he’s got a photo with Nathan Hauritz hovering in the background!
It’s very appropriate timing, because as I write this it’s already New Year over there. Hopefully Trout will be dribbling into a cold bottle of VB even as I type, and hopefully he’ll take a moment to raise it to the Cavaliers before he passes out in a celebratory stupor.
And with that, I’d like to wish you all a happy New Year and let’s hope for another great year in 2012.
